how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
