They should really pass out barf bags in church
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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