They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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