I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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