there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
