I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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