so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize