This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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