and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize