So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
