Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
