Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
