yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
