My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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