Can i not drive my cunt home
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
