also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
