I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
