Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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