Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
