just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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