Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
