I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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