I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
