He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
