East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I wish there were birth control emojis
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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