Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
