do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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