ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
