Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
