I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I deserve this hangover.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
