Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
