Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
