someone threw a dead crab at me
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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