I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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