I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
