I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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