Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
17 year olds will be the death of me.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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