i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize