My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
