Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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