I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
