you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
