he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
