I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
