Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You took a bar mat shot.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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