Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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