Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
