I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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