I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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