You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
