Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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