I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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