I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
