sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
