Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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