I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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