The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
