Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
is wine microwaveable?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
