he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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