I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
