mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
