Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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