highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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