I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
