so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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