then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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