yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize