We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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