sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
