____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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