And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Did you pee in the oven last night??
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
