So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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