Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
