if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
