the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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