...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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