Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
