Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
