Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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