2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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