I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
