What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
