Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
