i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
