Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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