If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
