i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
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