Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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