do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
