Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
