Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
