I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Terrible idea I love it
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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